Not that kind of blog

There are many different kinds of blogs.

Sharing blogs, recipe blogs, religious blogs, mothering blogs...

Mothering blogs....sigh....

There are many blogs that I have fallen in love with, only to be disappointed to realize that the blogger really had no greater credentials than I have.

There are so many blogs out there offering parenting and spiritual advice, but only from the heat of the moment they are experiencing at the time.

Parenting is such a ever changing process.  The "wisdom" that I gained with just two young children no longer applies to the two young children that I have now.  The spiritual advice I would have given myself as a mother of young children no longer applies, yet I still have young children. The way I ran a household even just last year does not apply to how I run a household now.  

I don't need a mom in the process of motherhood giving me advice on how to be a mother.

If that is what you are looking for, this is not your blog.

I don't have any answers.  I've tried a lot of different things, but really, life is very case specific. So unless you've had 5 kids in 6 years, live in NC and are married to a nurse, my life is going to look very different from yours.

I also don't believe that my job is harder than my husbands.  I don't feel like I deserve a break all the time or that I'm always deserving time away from the kids.  I like "girl time," but I don't deserve it any more than my husband deserves "guy time."  My husband works very hard.  He has a great burden on his shoulders to provide for our family.  In no way do my responsibilities at home trump that.

So really, all I can offer are the experiences that I have.  I like to share and write.  That's why I have a blog.  It's also nice for family and memories.

That is my kind of blog.

Grandma's Quilt

What do you give to the Grandma that has everything and needs nothing?  A nonagenarian that has lived a full and blessed life that you just want to show some love to?  Why, a meaningful quilt!  

My Grandmother LOVES owls, even way back before owls were cute.  But she doesn't need a bunch of owl stuff. She doesn't cook, so she doesn't need mugs or salt & pepper shakers.  So when I saw some cute owl footprints on Facebook a few months ago, my brain started working.  What I came up with was an owl footprint quilt made by her great-grandchildren.  There are 10 cousins, with some families still growing, so I made a 12 square quilt.  I had each cousin stamp their feet on the color quilt piece their choice (in fabric paint) to make the shape of an owl.  I ended up making a different foot print than the picture I saw, but I think mine is so much cuter!   Each square is cut to 12.5 inches to allow for seams and big kids feet.  I stuck hole protector stickers on their heels when I painted their foot and removed the sticker to stamp them to make the eye holes.  I used fabric markers to make the beaks and the branches, but I'm sure you could even applique some felt too.  

Then I carefully laid them out on the floor to make the right color balance.  I grouped the squares by family and age order, while balancing the amount of colors. So there is no huge pattern since each child chose the color of their square.  

Next I pieced the squares together with some super cute owl fabric I found.  12.5 inch strips on the sides and a long strip on the tops of the squares.  

I quilted the blanket by sewing in the ditches of the squares, so it's not very "quilted."  The fabric on the back is another owl pattern, but with bigger owls and still based in brown.  I finished the quilt of with a red binding that I think really brings it all together.  

Of course, she won't get the quilt until Christmas, but I'm sure she is going to love it.  It will be a great accent piece for her living room!  

The Top 7 Reasons Why I Love Working with my Husband

Let me clarify, I don't actually work with my husband.  My husband is a Nurse on the same unit in the hospital that I work as a Nursing Assistant.  We never work the same shifts, but we do work with all the same patients and co-workers.
Working outside the home has never been a life goal for me.  I have enough to keep me busy at home.  I like it that way.  Josh likes it that way.  But we have goals, and I need some sanity outside of the house.  Thus we came to the agreement that it probably wouldn't hurt for me to get out of the house a little bit and make some money while I was at it.
I knew that teaching wasn't an option for me.
I love children.
I love working with children.
I do not love working in the classroom setting with children, at least not in a paid position.
So we started discussing options.  The decision was made for me to return to school and train to be a CNA. I ended up loving it way more that I thought I would! I applied to many different units at the hospital, got interviews with two units and eventually chose to work on the same unit as my husband.

Side note:  It's probably not wise for all married couples to work together!

So what have I noticed in the past couple of months as a working woman, specifically with my husband?

Here are my top 7 reasons Why I Love Working with my Husband (in no particular order).

1.  It gives me a greater appreciation for his job as a nurse.  My husband is almost a different man at work.  He is organized, smart and manages his time.  He delegates tasks and makes sure he is informed about all the illnesses he deals with.  Not that he's not most of these at home....cough....cough....like he says, "Why would I be when I know you can do it for me!?"  It's neat to see all the hard work that the nurses do everyday and know that this is what my husband has to deal with full time. I understand now!  And I'm sure the same goes for him.  He's an awesome dad, but now he's working even harder at home when I'm away.

2.  It makes logistics easier.  Balancing both his and my schedule can be a little crazy sometimes.  Are we each able to get enough sleep?  Who has the kids?  What's going on this week?  Can I pick up an extra shift?  Everything is all organized in one place, on one team that understands our situation.  We can both check each other's work schedules and easily plan around each other.  It would work out if I was on a different unit, it's just so much easier that we're on the same one.

3.  I'm ok with him working at home.  Before I started working I never really got frustrated when he had to work at home, I mean, not really frustrated....maybe a little....  While it does getting tiring after a while, now I know exactly what's on his plate.  Or at least I have a connection with the patients on the unit, so I know that if he is working at home, that means he's helping the patients, and they mean a lot to me.  And that's ok.

4. We get to work as a team, separately.   Josh and I have not always been known to be the greatest team players. I have to say, being married for 10 years has definitely helped, and having 5 kids.  We've kinda been forced to play nicely or fail.  Working separate shifts allows us to play nicely on the nursing team, but not have the awkwardness of working at the same time.  I mean, what if I messed up?  What if I thought he was a jerk that day?  We don't need that stuff on the unit!  This way none of our home-life baggage is brought to the work site.  Not that we ever disagree...

5.  He keeps my work load balanced.  Anyone who knows me knows that I tend to go head first into things, many times without thinking and most of the time overwhelming myself completely!  Josh knows exactly what my job entails and what is normal for my position.  So he knows when I come home with some crazy idea for something to help with a patient, he can tell me to stop or go ahead with it.  He helps me regulate my work load so that I don't drive myself crazy.  After 10 years of marriage, I trust him.  I know that he's looking out for my best interests.  So if he tells me to calm down or back off, I know I should listen.

6. He helps me problem solve.  Healthcare is a new job area for me.  My degree is in education.  Although Wake Tech absolutely prepared me for my job, there are still minor skills specific to our unit that I am thankful for Josh's wisdom.  He's able to tell me what he's observed other NA's doing that might work well for me.  I am able to ask him specific questions about taking vitals or other basic cares that I know he will give me an honest answer to.  I like my job to be efficient and helpful to the nurses, so it's nice having a nurse at home with me that I can ask questions to make sure I am doing a service for the nurses and not being a hindrance.

7. We have the chance to provide better care for our patients.  That's what it's all about, right? We want our patients to get the best care they can.  Having both the perspective of the nurse and nurse aide, we can both advocate in different areas for the patients.  This results in more complete care.  I think the patients enjoy joking about us at our expense as well, which results in higher morale for the patients, and for that, I don't mind being the butt of jokes!

God's Hidden Treasures: Prepping our garden for spring planting

The weather was just right today to do a little work in the yard.  I am getting so excited about starting our garden this year (Lord willing, not having to garden with a baby belly!).  We have been gardening the past two years; this year will be our first year starting with all seeds.  While I'm nervous about the greenness of my thumb, I do really enjoy working in the soil and watching God's handiwork.

I started some seedlings this week, so I felt the need to at least re clear the space used for our garden. Since Josh was working this morning, the 4 oldest and I set out for a morning outdoors.  Thank goodness Julianna can finally walk!

While I was blowing the pine straw out of the way, I stumbled upon something that looked familiar.  It was a sweet potato!  I thought I had dug all of them up!  So while I was blowing the land clear, the girls set out on their "treasure hunt" to find the little treasures that God had stored away for us until spring. 

 

 

Of course if digging is involved, Joe is there to help.  He actually did find a few sweet potatoes.

Some of our treasures in a pile.

The girls were very anxious to get them cleaned off and ready to eat.  Thankfully, before there was too much of a mess I steered them to the kitchen sink instead of the bathroom.

 



 

We found a few sweet potatoes, one golden potato and a few carrots.  And various bug treasures that were left outside :)
Also speaking of prepping the garden.  Josh and I were discussing at dinner the pro's and con's of tilling your garden before planting. What do you do to prep your garden?  Do you till or just plant?

You've Got Mail

There is just something about mail that gets me giddy.  I wait patiently everyday to hear the sound of the mail truck coming down the street. 

It has always been this way for me.  As a little girl we had a wonderful mailman.  His name was Clarence.  We lived in a cul-de-sac and ours was the last house in the circle, so once I saw him across the street, I knew it was time to run down the drive way and hand collect our daily mail.  Sometimes Clarence and I would chat briefly about the day, sometimes we would just exchange mail.  As a young girl, this would be the highlight of my day (other than chatting with my neighbor of course!) Clarence also liked chocolate, so many times I would bring him a treat (my mom has a thing for baking chocolate chip cookies, they are ALWAYS in supply at her house!)

I don't know if it's just the anticipation of something everyday or the mystery of what could be delivered or just the cheer it brings to know that someone was thinking about you enough to send a kind note, but I just love it when the mail comes!

My girls apparently have inherited that gene.  Unless it just comes from seeing a different face than mom's all day... Or the fact that we have a WONDERFUL mailman named Tom. 

Tom has been the the mail delivery business for quite a while and doesn't mind in the least the interruptions he gets almost daily from my daughters.  They just love meeting him at the mailbox and telling him all about our day.  He kindly takes more time than he has to listen to them intently and show enthusiasm for what they are sharing.  He even gave the girls candy canes all Christmas season when they came to greet him at mail time.  And what mom can turn down candy canes from the mail man (even if they contain all types of nasty ingredients, including food dyes.....)

Whenever we makes goodies, I always try to remember to share some with Tom. He has been the recipient of baked breads and jams and always shares his thanks.

This Christmas he got our gift of pumpkin bread and fresh home grown spices that we shared with our friends and neighbors (a little sugar and spice from the Bradley's...get it?...sugar and spice...).

Imagine my absolute ecstasy when I received a letter from my mailman!  I mean, can it get any better than that!  Mail from THE mailman, amazing!  He didn't even have to use a stamp :)  It was so thoughtful that he took the time to send me a thank you for the small token we gave him at Christmas time.  It warmed my heart.



 

 

What a perfect card for the mailman!  Someone was smart to create a line of cards just for mail carriers!

Personalized and with a signature..maybe it will be worth money someday :)

P.S.  If you were wanting to send me some mail....I would gladly give you my address...

Orthodox Meal Planning

So finally Blogger and I are getting along well enough to be able to finally write this post (we have been having some photo loading issues...grrr...)! 

 

After talking with a few of my mom friends, I have learned that not all people find menu planning easy.  I have heard from so many moms that they usually just throw something together at the last minute either from the freezer or just end up going out.  I admit, trying to figure out what you are going to cook for your family, yet again, night after night can be a bit daunting!  Spaghetti is great, but every night...not so much.

 

Although this post is titled specifically for the Orthodox family, I think this can be a great idea for any family.  Orthodoxy just likes to put a nice little twist on the ease of menu planning with all of the feasting and fasting. 

 

I will admit, we are only at the very beginning of our Orthodox journey, so we are not up to full fasting yet, but I do like to make myself aware of the patterns of the calendar, so that I will be ready for each step we take towards fasting as we grow in our faith. 

 

So, here is a little look at what I do each month (or at least would like to do) to plan our menu. 

 

*please note: I do not go grocery shopping for the whole month at a time.  Trader Joe's carts are just not big enough for our family of 7, plus our budget doesn't work that way...yet.  So although I plan for the month, I only shop for one week at a time.  I just like to get it all done at once!  

 

 

 

First of all, I have created a handy dandy master menu calendar on excel.  I write the numbers in myself so that I can easily print off a new copy each month.  Notice I have created a row at the bottom for notes, always helpful.  I am limited in computer knowledge, but if you like my calender, just let me know I can e-mail you the file, right now I don't know how to make that a link.

 

 My next step is to go on the great website that our Deacon has set up.  He has a beautiful color coded calendar that lists the recommended feasting/fasting for our parish.  You would want to check with your local parish for your feasting/fasting, since there are always differences.

I get out a red pen (you can use whatever color you want, I promise, I won't tell anyone if it's not red :) Then I mark down in code which days are fasting and what type of fasting they are, wo=wine and oil, s=strict fast, etc.  I just make up whatever will be easiest for me to understand.

 

 Then I get on our wonderful Cozi website that has our main family calender. I have everyone's appointments, Josh's work schedule, birthdays, whatever on this site.  Best of all, we can access it on our phones so we have our calendar anywhere!  Even better than that, Josh actually uses it, so for most  part, we are on the same page.

Next I mark down Josh's work schedule.  As a nurse, it changes every week.  I need to know if he's working day or night shift.  I plan my meals so that on the day before he works I am sure there will be extras for his lunch box. Also in a different color pen.  I promise, I am not OCD...completely...

Next I write down the Liturgy and other special church services we have for the month.  With a Liturgy service I know that I need something quick and easy just for the kiddos since we won't be eating before hand.  Josh and I either eat the leftovers when we get home, or treat ourselves to eating out after church.

Then comes to planning notebook.  Cooking is my big responsibility, along with homeschooling and raising kids, but cooking is the only job that gets a notebook....so far...

Don't you just love a great notebook with cool dividers?  It gets me excited just looking at it!  I have a thing with school supplies...and color coding...
I have our favorite recipes in this notebook.  Each divider represents a type of meal, ex: breakfast, lunch, dinner, desserts, etc.  Anytime I find a yummy recipe, I print it off and stick it in the appropriate section.  Then when I'm ready to plan, all of our favorites are in one spot!

 

 Then I pick a nice and cozy spot, say..the couch.  I have my notebook, recipes, my menu planning calendar (with all of it's pretty color codedness) and a cup of something yummy (tea is in this cup, just in case you are wondering.)  I try to pick a time when I won't be bothered, say nap time/quiet time (which happens daily for EVERYONE in our house) or after bedtime.  This is where the majority of the work takes place.  I go through my notebook and I pick out meals that meet all the requirements of our calendar, whether fasting or Josh working or just a busy day.  Also notice that I do this all with a PENCIL.  Inevitably, despite all of my meticulously perfect planning, I am going to forget something, or not notice something and need to swap or completely change meals.  Also notice that I only plan dinners.  I have not gotten to the point of our healthy eating journey to plan out eat and every meal.  PB&J works for us, along with leftovers or some buttered noodles for lunch.  We still eat cereal from Trader Joe's, oatmeal, eggs or smoothies for breakfast.  Breakfast and Lunch require no extra planning for me, I can wing those.  I do make sure to add items we are low on to my grocery list.  If you are they type that needs these planned out, you might want to make a bigger planning calendar :)  I use the notes part of my calendar to remind myself about any extra cooking or shopping that I need to do.

Finally I take all of  my planning back to my uncluttered desk.. I have pulled out all of the recipes that I will need for the week for easy access.  Ideally I will put them back during my next planning session.  Either that, or I will just stuff them into the front cover, but I would never be that lazy...

 

And I look through my recipes to type our grocery list on to our Cozi account.  Since we can access it from our phones, I can type it in on my computer (or phone) and whoever is going to the store can access the list from their phone.  It makes a cool sound when you enter an item, so I feel like I'm doing a superb job (whatever motivates you, right?)  I keep my monthly planner and my weekly recipes together and stick them on the fridge so I can easily see them everyday and have my recipes within reach when dinner time comes. 

So that's how it's done! Easy, right?!  It might sound like a lot of work, but I only have to do it once a month.  Sometimes I like to pick theme nights, like Mexican, Italian, Homestyle.  That helps me get started on recipe ideas.  Sunday nights at our house are always Pancake nights, and we have started to institute homemade Pizza night as well.  I will have to include some recipes for those later! 

How do you Menu plan? 

Two Little Seastars

The weather has been a little more chilly where I live lately, which has caused me to bust out some of my warmer attire.  I am not much of a coat wearer.  I have too many things to hold between babies and bags and the bulk of a coat is just too much.  While scouring my drawers I came across a scarf my good friend Kaeli, from Kaeli's Kiwi's,  made for me.

 

It matches the colors schemes in my wardrobe wonderfully and I find that I can wear it with most anything I have!  It is so nice to be warm and snugly without the bulk of a winter coat!



My sweet Abigail modeling her "Made for Me" Sunday outfit



I also enjoy dressing my girls in theme Sundays from time to time. Such as: dresses Mommy used to wear, matching dresses and this past Sunday "made for me."  So many friends have made such adorable things for my girls, I was pleased I could put a whole outfit together!  Abby is rocking her pom-pom hat made by Kaeli, which kept her nice and warm this past chilly Sunday.  Isn't she adorable!
Now you may be thinking, "That is so adorable, I wish I could get some cute stuff too!"  Well, good things she has her own Etsy shop!  Stop on by Two Little Seastars and check out all the great things that Kaeli and her friend Britteny have made!


Disclaimer: This post was written with no compensation other than the warm fuzzy feeling I get about my good friend.  It was written solely because I love my friend!

Feeding

*SIGH*
Why is feeding your baby so hard?
I guess not all moms have this issue.  I have friends who feed there babies so effortlessly.  Their milk flows like never ending streams and their babies gain pounds each week.
Feeding has never been easy for me.  I have lamented on this issue before in my post Not Meant to Nurse  after the birth of my 3rd daughter.  I have since had two more beautiful girls and have struggled with their feeding as well.  I have tried every herb there is, pumped before and after birth, fed continuously and met with many lactation consultants.  To my frustration and sadness, my milk does not nourish my babies.  I have mourned 5 times as I have packed away the nursing bras and pump and pulled out the formula and bottles.  I have had to deal with the dirty looks and rude comments from mothers who don't understand.  I have had to deal with the guilt in my own heart when I read articles about how breast milk is the only way to feed your baby.  I have dealt with the frustration of having to remember to pack bottles and formula, only to show up at my destination lacking in one or the other. 
We have now hit a new stage in our feeding issues. We have begun making our own homemade formula with raw milk using this recipe recommended by Sally Fallon and the Weston A. Price Foundation.  Gathering all the supplies has been difficult.  I have continually misread directions and labels.  I have made quite a few batches incorrectly and had to toss the whole precious batch.  Just when I think I've done everything right, I end up realizing I mixed something wrong or added the wrong amount of an ingredient and have to start all over again. 
I just want to feed my baby.  I want her to have the healthiest diet we can provide.  I will never be blessed with the ease of breastfeeding.  Every bottle I make is one less bottle to worry about and brings us closer to that blessed last bottle when she turns 1. 
Lord have mercy!
I'm not sure that I have much of a point to this post other than to do a little venting.
I love my babies!  Abigail is such a beautiful, happy child.  She doesn't hold it against me that she can't nurse.  She forgives me every time she vomits up my formula mistakes.  She smiles and coos and snuggles without hesitation with her less than perfect mother.  I am blessed!
So as I am washing my bed sheets once more and remaking a batch of formula yet again, I will do so with love in my heart for the precious life I have been entrusted with, knowing I am doing the best that I can with the resources that I have. 

Won't you be my neighbor?

I was a surprise baby. Not an "oops" but a flat out Shock!  My mom had her tubes tied and then I was born three years later.  Crazy, huh!?  Because I was not in the plans, my brother and sister were a bit older than me.  Old enough that we didn't have a whole lot in common to play with.  So what did that mean for me?  I had to make my own friends.  My target?  The neighbors.  There was a sweet old man that lived next door with a quiet wife and children that did not live near.  If I ever caught him in his yard, I was over chatting his ear off.  Most days, I would find him in his garage tinkering on his old VW van (he offered it to me once I could drive, but I declined).  I'm not sure exactly what we talked about, but he would show me his tools and we would chat about life until mom called me home.  I don't think he minded. At least he never showed it.  He was at my wedding and has given a gift when each of my children were born. 
So why am I telling you about my neighbor?  A new generation of friends has bloomed.  My sweet daughters have now become friends with my neighbor.  Whenever we go visit at my mom's house, if I can't find them in her back yard, I know they are at the neighbors.  It's funny, they still seem to be the same age as they were when I was friends with them.  I know it warms their heart to have more sweet little girls to chat with about life.  I know it does my girls good to chat with an older couple. 
Today we stopped by my mom's for lunch. Caroline ran out of the van straight to our neighbors to show the teeth she had just lost.  I got so tickled when she came back.  They knew their name started with an "R", but had mixed up the sounds.  So she let me know all about her visit with "Mr. Rogers."  Too cute, huh! :)  She was pretty much right, that would be a good name for him!

Learning from Children

This week has been a bit chaotic for me. Whether it be from those early pregnancy hormones and sleepiness or just a plain overwhelmed Mama, there have been some "moments" this week. In an effort to help me cope with the ever increasing chores of an ever growing family, I have taught my oldest daughters to unload the dishwasher (minus the sharp knifes, so thankful to Corelle dishes!) When I remember to ask them to unload the dishwasher, it really is a blessing to have one less chore. Today it was even more of a blessing. I do strive to remember do everything to bring glory to God, even the mundane work of the house. The girls gave me such a positive reminder today! While I was working elsewhere I heard the girls singing church songs while unloading the dishwasher! What a humbling moment. I am so blessed to have such precious children to remind me of the beauty of enjoying God in every moment.

Joyful Chaos Giveaway

My favorite blog to keep up with is the story of a former Amish woman and her stories from growing up. She is having a cute giveaway this week of a daily calendar with Amish pictures. You can enter it by clicking the here.

This Too Shall Pass

God is merciful! One week ago today I passed my kidney stone; the one the Doctor told me that I wouldn't pass! It was so wonderful! Although there was no immediate relief since I still had the stent, I cherished the emotional relief! The stone isn't dead on in the picture, cause I know I measured it at 5mm. I called the new urologist the next day at got an appointment for 12:30, which I was amazed by! He was impressed with the stone and said that since I passed it we could take the stent out. I responded with, "How about in 5 minutes?" He laughed and said we might get an appointment later that day because they needed a special room with special equipment. But do you know what? The room was ready RIGHT AWAY! I would like to say relief was immediate, but they did put a scope up my urethra. Within a couple of days I was feeling as good as new, or at least as good as someone who is 33 weeks pregnant! It has been wonderful! I feel like I am back to being part of the real world again, I was in such a stupor from the Hydrocodone and just my sour mood for 3 weeks! Of course, now is the wake up call - we are having a baby! How did we miss that? It's still not quite a reality yet that our worlds are going to be rocked in about 6 weeks. Are we really going to have baby #4? Are we that nuts? I know she will be a blessing. I've created a mental image of her and am curious to see how she matches up to what I have pictured.

In other Bradley family news:

Makayla has her last t-ball game this week, so I guess I'd REALLY need to take some pictures then, huh? It's been a fun season and I've really enjoyed her coach. Now the countdown begins for soccer, at least both Makayla and Caroline will be playing together. Makayla has also been making a point that Caroline stop calling her Kayla and to call her Mak (which is my preference for a nickname. We also bumped Makayla up to a "big girl" carseat. It's a high-back booster. She is just never gonna weigh enough for just a booster, but at least she gets to use a real carseat and can get herself buckled and unbuckled, which will be essential when Julianna gets here!

Caroline will get her booster soon. We wanted to test out Makayla's before getting two. Although, Caroline is able to buckle and unbuckle herself in her carseat. She keeps getting comments about her haircut, I guess I will have to take a better picture of it to show it off. It just really fits her face so well.

Sydney is reaching the point where she is not a baby anymore! We are weening her off of the bottle! Woohoo! She loves milk and does great with her sippy cup. Of course now, if she can't feed herself she almost rather not eat. So we are having to be creative with the foods we are serving her. Who knew mac n' cheese was a finger food! Tonite we worked together using a spoon with some fruit sauce. I had totally forgotten about this messy eating stage and am not to excited about it, but this too shall pass :) Her signal for "all done" is to throw everything on the floor, but we are working on some better options. She is also taking off with her pulling up. She's starting to "cruise" a little bit and can speed crawl with the best of them. I'm not sure that I'm ready for a walker though....

Julianna is doing great! She's running out of room, so although she is less active, she still packs the punches. Tuesday I will be 34 weeks! We are getting to the point where we actually have to think about birthing this baby (I say "we", Josh is still learning his part of the "we") Our birth plan is due at 36 weeks, but I still have some questions about the whole process. You would think by baby number 4 I would have this down....

Josh and I are doing great. He continues to be the best husband in the world. Work is still a little stressful, but we enjoy his time off together.

My 'Stent' in the Hospital

For those of you who like a good story and for my own memories, here are the details of my past week:

On Sunday morning I woke up around 4am in pain. I realized that I had been waking up during the night thinking that I just needed to go to the bathroom and once I finally woke up realized that something was wrong. I went into the living so that I didn't bother Josh. Laying down wasn't much of an option. I started having flashbacks to when I was 14 weeks pregnant. My back was killing me! I tried to stay calm, drinking lots of water and walking around the living room, hoping that this was not what I thought it was. Occasionally I would lay down and rest, but couldn't stay down for long. Josh got up to check on me and I filled him in. At this point I wasn't quite sure that I wanted to admit it could be a kidney stone and I didn't want to bother the Midwife yet. I paced somemore and tried to relax as everyone in the house started getting up. Josh thought it would be a good idea to call the midwife at this point, so I did. Being a midwife she wanted me to try somemore natural, less harmful things before assuming I needed to be in the hospital. So I turned on the heating pad, Josh gracefully went to the store and got me some Tylenol PM and I tried my best to rest while he and the girls went to Bible class. That didn't help. Around 10am I called the midwife back and told her it wasn't working. She decided to call their referring physician at UNC to get her opinion. It seemed like hours waiting for her to call back! And of course, she said I needed to go to the hospital, my choice, Rex or UNC. Since Rex already had my health history and it was closer, at the time that seemed like the best choice. Josh was on his way home by this point so he stopped and got some essential last minute items for the girls to be dropped off at my moms for the day. A little after noon we reached the ER and passed the girls off. I went in and was prepared to wait. My last visit to the ER I had to wait 4 hours to get a bed. The midwive told us that since I was 30 weeks pregnant I would be taken to the OB triage, well, apparently Rex doesn't work that way. I saw the triage nurse, who was EXTREMELY compassionate and put in as much information to push me to the top of the list. She sent me to the waiting area to get a urine sample and wait. I was preparing for the long haul, but Praise The Lord! a wheelchair was waiting for me when I was finished in the bathroom. I was wheeled away to a bed immediately. Unfortunately, just because there was an empty bed did not mean that the nurse wasn't being over worked. I assumed my postion of comfort and rocked back and forth for 2 hours before the nurse was able to come in and start the process of the IV and finally the pain meds! Just like last time, the pain meds offered a nice little buzz, but didn't do much for the pain. I was wheeled away for an ultrasound, and just like last time they could tell there was some swelling, but couldn't see a stone. Also, they told me that this far along is was normal to have some swelling, especially on the right side. None of this was comforting. After a dose of more meds I though, hmmm.. I might could handle this at home. 30 minutes later when they were wearing off again, I knew I couldn't. Josh and I decided that with my nausea and lack of relief from perscription narcotics that going home wouldn't help much. So we were admitted.
I was taken to a room in the postpartum care and got some morphine, hopeing for relief. They started at 2mgs, that did nothing, so I got up to 4mgs. That night nurse just wasn't gonna budge! They weren't gonna give me fluids until I puked twice and they decided that I probably wouldn't be able to drink enough to pass the stone on my own. Wise choice :)
Monday morning the OB said that I could have 6mg of morphine. But that was tops....so, at my worst I was at a 5 on the pain scale, not enjoyable, but what can you do? The Phenergan helped me get the rest that I needed.
On Tuesday my girls were coming for a visit. I hadn't showered since Saturday and really wanted my hair washed. I guess not very many postpartum patients asked for that, but I had a wonderful nurse who said, if I wanted to get a hairwash she would figure out how to get it done. And she did! I was just finishing the process when my girls came, it was nice to visit with them feeling clean. The visit went well while I still had a good morphine kick, but once that started wearing off, any movements the girls made in the bed hurt, plus Sydney wanted to pull out the IV. The newness and coolness of the room was getting old for the girls, so even though it wasn't a long visit, it was nice to see them for a bit.
Things are a blur until Tuesday night around 5 when the Urologist came to visit since I wasn't passing the stone on my own. He gave me some meds to help the muscles relax around the stone to see if that would help over night. I was to get an x-ray in the morning, just one little one, to see if they could locate and determine the size of the stone. He promised it would not harm the baby. But who knows, I could pass it on my own during the night. Depending on the results of the x-ray, I may or may not have to have a stent put in. He left and I immediately started researching stents online and got very upset. This did not sound fun at all! I took my pheregan eagerly that night and kept it coming to get a good nights rest!
Wednesday morning they wheeled me down to get the x-ray nice and early since I wasn't able to eat or drink anything until it was over (not that I could eat, but I did get thirsty!) The RX technician made me feel so welcome once I got there questiong "Why was I doing this?" accusingly. Um, hello, I realize I'm pregnant, I'm doing what the Dr. told me to do! Thanks for making me cry lady! They inserted a dye into my IV and waited 10 minutes for it to get to the kidney. They took a quick x-ray and I lay there waiting..... The technician comes back and says that the Dr. looked at the x-ray and wants a retake in 45 minutes. Wait a minute?? Didn't you guys say just one? I was getting nervous. I laid there and waited , dreaming of the breakfast food I would order when they took me back to my room. They finally took the last x-ray. This baby is gonna have 4 eyes and green toes! They told me that it wouldn't take too long for the Dr. to give me to results. Once they wheeled me back to my room the nurse popped her head right in and said nothing to eat or drink. WHAT???? This really didn't sound good. I called Josh and asked him to come as soon as possible, that something wasn't right. My room phone rang while I was pouting/dozing, waiting for the Dr. to come and give me the results. I ignored it, figuring it was someone just calling to see how I was, I wasn't in the mood to talk. 15 minutes later it rang again. This person is persistant! I answered the phone. It was the Dr. He let me know that they there was a large obstruction, it wouldn't pass on it's own and they would be putting in a stent at 3pm. I stuttered a few questions through some tears. The nurse came in to the room as I was on the phone ready with the consent papers. It was all going too fast! Did the Dr. really just call me on the phone to give me that kind of a diagnosis? I felt like I had gotten dumped over the phone! I told the nurse I wanted to talk to my husband before I signed anything. She let me know that she had to start some meds before the procedure. What a pickle! I called Josh bawling! He got to the hospital ASAP, did I ever tell you know nice it is to have a nurse for a husband. Him and my nurse spoke a little nurse-ease and got the Dr. back on the phone. The Dr. explained everything to him and I got ready to sign the forms while getting the meds for the Stent placement. An anethesiologist came in and talked about what they would be giving me to put me to sleep during the procedure, making sure everything would be safe for the baby. Then the urologist came in, not the phone man, but the one who would be doing the procedure. The looked a little but like SuperMan. He was nice and explained things a little bit more for the non-medical people in the room :) Before long they were wheeling me away to the waiting area and then back to the surgery room. Everyone was very nice. They kept the mood light and kept me talking about silly things, probably just to get my mind off of what was going to happen. Apparently the anethesiologist changed his mind and decided it would be safest to give me Benadryl as a seditive instead of a twilight drug. Hmmm...Bendadyrl? I was really hoping for a good nap! Yeah, I forgot to ask about pain, because I thought I was going to be asleep..... I felt IT ALL!!! I won't lie, it HURT. No all of it, but when it did, WOW! The nice people did their best to comfort me. I couldn't even breathe! It was a quick prodedure and before I knew it they were done. I waited in recovery for what seemed like forever! Recover from Benadryl? I just wanted to see my husband! The nurse forgot to get Josh, but luckily we met in the hall on the way back to my room. I REALLY had to pee at this point, so I was in a rush to get back. I thought they were going to drain my bladder during the procedure! I will leave out gross details, but it was a little surprising going to the bathroom the first time. But, hey, my back pain was gone! I hadn't had any meds since noon and it was 5pm, an hour past when I would normally get them. I even ordered dinner and ate all of it! First time eating in four days, it felt good. I had some tylenol that night, but didn't get much sleep, Julianna kept me up and I didn't have my phenergan to knock me out. At least I had Josh to stay with me. I missed him. We snuggled, I cried about missing the girls, we watched tv and relaxed, what we won't do for a date night! My night nurse was very thorough as well. She was vigilant on getting vital signs and updates through the night. At least she was sweet.
Thursday I was READY to get home! I was experiencing some discomfort from the stent, but nothing a girl can't handle. Just feels like having a UTI all the time, for the next 10 weeks. The urologist finally came in to discuss the final game plan which includes repeating the wonderful stent process by replacing it in 6 weeks. They don't want to leave it in the full time to reduce the chance for infection. After the baby is born, about a week or two I will get a CT scan so they can determine the size and position of the stone so they can get it out!
Nothing like a little last trimester fun, huh? Luckily, the pregancy masks many of the symptoms of the stent, but I can definetely feel it in my back. I have back pain and pain around my bladder making it difficult to walk. I'm still working on getting my strength back. It's amazing how weak 4 straight days of laying in bed can make you. If I wasn't peeing constantly before, I am now, just with this nice burning, twinging pain as the stent drains from my kidney to my bladder. When things don't seem as pleasent I picture a newborn all swaddled up. I can do it for Julianna.

The Day

We had a monumental day a couple of weeks ago. The magnitude of the day keeps showing itself, so I figured I should share with the world the positive side effects from "The Day." A couple of weeks ago we had finally set up a playdate with one of our new homeschool friends, well really, it would be the first time that the girls had really met these new friends. It had taken some effort to coordinate and I was a little nervous about having new people in to our home. So I went all out, as in, I cleaned my house! I offer that courtesy only to first time visitors. After that, you get to see how we really live. The girls room was a MESS!! You couldn't even walk through the floor. So I set them about the task to clean it. They actually volunteered to clean as soon as the finished breakfast; they were so excited to have a new friend come over to play. We had until 1:00pm, so we had PLENTY of time! The girls asked for my help so I helped them designate tasks and break chores into steps. It awful hard not to get sidetracked when you're putting away all those fun toys. Let's just say the girls focus was challenged. After an hour and a half of work, the room didn't look much better. They were starting to get tired and come up with all sorts of ailments that would prevent them from cleaning their room. Time was ticking! I let them know that if their room wasn't cleaned, they would not be able to have their new friend over. Humph, they didn't really like that! After one more hour their room still wasn't clean. It was now noon. I knew that with as long as it takes for them to eat lunch, there was no chance of the room getting cleaned before our company came over. I made a tough choice, but knew it was the right thing to do. I picked up the phone and called the mom. I let her know that my girls were not behaving today and that it would not be a good day for a playdate. She surprisingly understood and said her kids weren't in that good of a mood either. The girls were upset. I expected as much and honestly would have been disappointed if they weren't. But really, they made the choice, not me. So now it's nap time. I encourage them to rest because they are in a bad mood, informing them that it would help give them a more positive attitude. For some reason, they did not heed my advice. The played all during naptime, interrupting the nap that I should have gotten. Mommy was NOT a happy camper. Naptime generally ends around 4pm. Some might stop with punishment after the canceled playdate, but that wasn't the point was it? I told them to clean their room and they didn't. It was time to learn a lesson! I let them know that they were to finish cleaning their room before they could have any dinner. But surely I couldn't be serious? I wouldn't deprive them of dinner? Try me! We don't live in the third world, they aren't starving. They will survive! And, their room will be clean! They huffed and puffed testing the limits. I set about making dinner and playing with Sydney. By the time dinner was ready at 5:30, they were still not finished. Sydney and I had a lovely dinner together. It just so happened to be bath night as well, the girls favorite. I let them know that if they didn't clean their room in time, not only would they miss dinner, but also bathtime. Once they saw me eat dinner alone, I think they were starting to get the point that I was serious. Oh, but once I started the bath water for Sydney they really got the point! By 6:30pm they finally had a clean room! By this point they were VERY proud of their accomplishment. They realized that they really could clean their room all by themselves! Their food was waiting for them at the table. I didn't even hear them complain about what I made! I put Sydney to bed and then gave them their bath and got them ready for bed. Even if the story ended there, it would have been a good one! But no, it goes on! The next day was prayer group day, which means a few moms and their kids come over and the moms talk and pray while the kids play. The kids had a great time and when they left, the room was still clean! They had picked up after themselves, a first! Ever since that fateful day, the girls have been able to reasonably keep their room clean. They even voluntarily clean it up on their own. It makes a mom proud! That day was not a fun one. As a mom it can be hard to follow through with consequences. Now that my girls have such a since of accomplishment and responsibility, I'm glad I stuck to my guns.

Going Green

Amidst all the stress of the last three months, Josh and I have made a few big attempts at going green. For this pregnancy we have decided to use a midwife instead of an OB. There are many different reasons and we are enjoying the laid back family atmosphere of the Birth Center. In the same building as the midwive there is a cute baby boutique that sells tons of cloth diapers. After an appointment one day we took the tour and got a good tutorial on all the many different types of cloth diapers. We went home and did a little research of our own and made the decision to do cloth. Do you know how much money we saved? The average person spends $3000 on diapers for each child. Our cloth diapers plus accesories have cost us $300. I'm not good at math, but that's a REALLY good savings, especially since we get to use the same diapers for Julianna. We are even going as far as using cloth wipes. I LOVE my cloth diapers. I don't know why I didn't start this sooner, I guess I was scared of the "work" involved, but it's really not that much and well worth it!
Another change we've made is adding a compost pile in our back yard. You would be amazed at how much organic trash you throw away every day! Especially now that we are eating more fresh fruits and veggies, we are getting quite the pile started. I have plans to start a tomato garden later this spring, although the compost won't be ready until next year. I hope to be able to add more veggies next year. Josh lovingly removed some of the dead shrubs from the front of our house to give me a little bit of garden space. I'm excited about the possibilities.
When Sydney was first born and Josh was still enjoying his paternity leave he spent a lot of time doing some online shopping. His goal was to make purchases and then sell for a profit. One of his deals was an immersion blender which I have been wanting to make baby food. With a little encouragement from him and a huge dose of gumption I have finally gotten into a good baby food making routine. It's actually very easy and I enjoy giving her natural foods with no preservatives. The girls have enjoyed (and myself) the educational experience of digging into each fruit and veggie and seeing the different seeds. A few months ago I wouldn't have been able to tell you the difference between a Mango and a Papaya, but now I am well educated in more unique fruits and veggies.
One of our goals for our girls is to provide organic, all natural education (AKA Homeschool). We have been doing different preschool activities and last week we enjoyed Green Week in honor of St. Patrick's Day. And yes, we enjoyed green eggs and pancakes :) See, we are going green all over the place!
I am really enjoying trying to find ways to be more natural and environmentally friendly. I have been working on increasing our recycling to decrease the amount of items we just throw away. Although I'm far from green and all natural I feel so much better nowing I'm doing just a little big to help the wonderful earth that God has blessed us with!

Peace

Since I haven't updated the world in about 3 1/2 months, I thought now would be a good time to let everyone know what has been going on in the Bradley world. Be prepared, our camera is not working well, so there will be no adorable pictures in this post, but you will be well up-to-date once you've endured all the reading :)

December
We had a wonderful Christmas holiday with family. We had a simple gathering at my folks house before we left for Minnnesota. I love our traditional Lasagna dish for Christmas dinner, even though it's not the conventional one, it sure makes this preggo happy! Sydney got her new stocking this year at my mom's house. She hand makes everyone's stockings. The mantle is getting pretty full let me tell ya! Next year there will be two more, one for my new niece, Anna, and one for baby Julianna (did I tell you we decided on a name?)
Josh was able to get a full week off around Christmas, so we packed everyone, even the dog, and started the trek to MN. We stopped first in Ohio. It was a loooooong day of traveling. It was snowy on the roads starting in Virginia, so at every stop everyone got all dirty from the snow and salt on the roads. West Virginia was the worst! It was like they used coal to melt the ice on the roads. And try getting a dog to pee on the snow! What should have been at max a 10 hour trip ended up taking 13 hours. We opened presents with Josh's folks and then had a family meeting. Tomorrow's trek to MN would be a minimum of 10 (but more than likely 12, but at our rate at least 14). My head was starting to spin. I really wanted to see Josh's family. They are a fun bunch to be around, especially at Christmas, there are many traditions that I enjoy. But the thought of being on the road another full day, and then two more full days on the way back was stressful. After some prayer and discussion Josh decided it would be best to stay in Ohio for our Christmas. It was a tough decision, but I think the best one for our family right now.
We ended up with a new family member by the end of the trip. Josh took me to the mall to look around and lo and behold they have pet stores right in the mall that actually sell puppies! My heart was stolen the first time I saw him, the most adorable little Cockapoo you have ever since, just this tiny little ball of fluff. We made a wonderful compulsive decision to add him to our family. So Sammy joined us for the ride home as well.

January
Life was pretty busy with two dogs, two preschoolers and a six months old. We begrudgingly said "goodbye" to vacation life and "hello" to the real world. I started helping with a new ministry at church, I had ended my career as a Children's Minister at the end of the year. Now I am helping with a group called "Appleseeds" for 8th grade girls. I am really enjoying the change of pace and not actually being the person in charge. It's nice to do ministry and not be stressed about it! One of the meetings towards the end of the month I was not feeling so well. I had called Josh on the way to ask for prayer because I was in some pain. It hadn't been unusual for me this pregnancy and I was trying to ignore it, but it was not going away. I had all three girls with me this night as well. I was looking forward to getting there because I knew that one of the ladies is a physical therapist and I thought she might have some recommendations for me to ease the pain. By the time I got to the church things were starting to take a turn for the worse. It was becoming very hard for me to hide the fact that I wasn't feeling good. The physical therapist wasn't able to help with the pain that I was having, especially since I am pregnant, but both her and another women made the suggestion to call the Dr., so that's what I did. Through tears, at this point, I called an OB and described my symptoms. The only things she could do was tell me to go to the ER. I called Josh, made arrangements for the girls and my parents picked me up to go to the hospital. The ER was PACKED!! I signed in and was seen by triage. I gave a urine sample which I embarassingly had to carry through the crowded ER waiting room. Josh left work and met me. I was relieved once he arrived, he was wearing scrubs, so I thought maybe he would have some leverage. I had overheard one man telling me his wife had to wait 4 hours to been since. I moaned at the thought of having to wait that long. I tried to remain decent, but the pain was getting too severe. I did the only thing I could think of, assume birthing positions. That's all I could think of to ease the pain. After 3 hours of waiting I was really starting to loose it. Josh took be back to triage in a wheel chair, at this point I couldn't even walk. I threw up all over the floor and started moaning, I just couldn't keep control of myself anymore. After 4 long hours I was finally given a room, and some pain meds. Life was good, for a little while. They did an ultrasound, gave me more meds and sent me home with an uncertain diagnosis. I suffered all weekend long! The pain meds had to be increased and I couldn't keep any food down. Monday I went in to see the OB. She admitted me to the hospital. Apparently I was dehydrated and in pain. I got more meds, oh the bliss! And they hooked me up to tons of fluid. I used the bathroom and passed something. I was starting to feel better. After three bags of fluid and constant urination life was good. I stayed over night and we concluded/assumed that I had actually had a kidney stone and passes it once I was admitted. Soda can be a contributing factor to kidney stones, and I drink A LOT of soda. Since I didn't want to be in that kind of pain again, I have not drank any soda since then.

February
I was discharged on Feb. 1st. Things were going well until that Sunday. Makayla fell asleep during church, which is very unusual for her and which we normally don't allow. We were meeting with my folks and grandma for lunch. We got to lunch and she was BURNING! By the end of the week Caroline and myself had the same symptoms. Caroline got tested and was positive for flu. Great. Not only did we have the flu, but over the next weekend I got a respiratory infection on top of it. With lots of meds and help from Josh and my mom we all revived in time for some company. My good friend Jenn flew in from California to visit for a week. We had a great time and I really enjoyed some girl time and extra help around the house. Josh took me on an awesome date night, probably the most thought out in our history of being together. I loved it!
Once we saw Jenn off Josh's mom came in for a quick weekend visit. Although it was fast, the girls had a great time! They each got to make their own Build-A-Bear (I think it took Makayla an hour just to pick out a bear!) and on Saturday Meemaw and Josh took them to Marbles, one of our favorite kids museums. I enjoyed some one-on-one time with Sydney and some much needed rest. I was still recovering from all the illness. We are all looking forward to Meemaw's next visit once Julianna gets here.

March
Josh and I celebrated our 7th anniversary this month. In order to do something a little different I researched the traditional wedding gifts and gave him a gift everyday for a week up until our anniversary. Although the gifts weren't much, it was nice having a special time each night to celebrate together. Josh made arrangements for some friends from church to watch the girls and he took me away for an evening. We stayed in a hotel. We had a great time having some fun together and enjoying a nice dinner at Outback without kids. It was a wonderful time and I couldn't be more thankful to be married to Josh.
Now Josh has been having some medical issues that we both felt was necessary to get checked out. So in a whirlwind of three days and lots of Dr.'s visits we found out that he has Ulceritive Colitis. Luckily his isn't the serious kind, but can pose many different issues, even getting worse. So we are now beginning to work on his medicines to see what is going to help reprieve his symptoms. He has a great attitude, but is still in shock by the diagnosis.
While all of this is going on, the weather has decided to change, which means the changing of the seasons in our house. With three little girls, this is not an easy task. Our bedroom has been full of buckets of clothes. We have been sorting and switching and sorting again for what seems like forever. I never thought I would see my bedroom floor again. But finally, last night, we finished the task. 7 rubbermaid containers! Our house has been such a mess and life has been so chaotic I have been pretty stressed lately. So after two full days of cleaning and organizing things are finally back in place.
Peace.
It's so nice.
Things have been crazy the past three months, but that's our life. I am thankful for this moment of peace I have been blessed with and use it to recharge for the next season of stress!

Blog Giveaway

Hey Friends! There is a blog that I just LOVE to read. It is the life of a former Amish woman. She is chronicling her life for her children to be able to have when they are grown. I just love the stories! As most of you know I have quite the obsession with Amish people, so this has been such a blessing to find (actually, she found me) Anyways, she is giving away some books from her childhood, so if you get a chance go check it out! http://ajoyfulchaos.blogspot.com/2010/12/giveaway-time-again.html

Journey with Jesus

Last year our preachers did a year long sermon series titled Journey with Jesus. This title came to mind as I was thinking about how to blog our trip to New York in October.

Our trip had two main purposes: One: celebrate Grandma's 80th birthday, Two: The annual Hike. Although we did have a good time celebrating with Grandma (she is very proud of her age by the way), this post is going to focus mostly on the hiking aspect. We did A LOT of hiking on this trip. We went on three hikes actually. We hiked Taughannock Falls, Watkins Glen and then did our annual family hike. Each hike we were accompanied by family. Aunts, Uncles, cousins, you name it! As we got more comfortable with our extended family our girls would tend to roam, often joining groups of people far from us. This got me to thinking about Jesus when he was a boy. I always gave his parents a hard time for not keeping up with him on that infamous journey where he stopped at the temple to teach. How could they not know where he was?? Now I know... It was such a fun time walking with our family. We would spread out in to groups and chat and then mix into different groups along the way. We all got to spend a lot of good quality time together just relaxing and enjoying the view as we walked. It was such a nice feeling knowing that our girls were safe and with family and enjoying their time too. It was then that I starting understanding the situation with Jesus a little more. Of course, none of our girls took a side trip to share the Good News, but they did have a great time with family. It was so nice to Josh and the girls to finally meet my moms side of the family on their turf. We had a wonderful visit!

Taughannock Falls

It looked absolutely beautiful when we visited because it had just rained the day before and the fall was VERY full!

My Mom, Uncle Dannie and Aunt Debbie

The above three pictures were actually taken at the beginning of the hike. In the background is just a mini falls, but made for a great photo op!

Watkins Glen Hike

Annual Family Memory Hike

If you look closely in the girls hands is ice cream. My Aunt Sylvia hired an ice cream truck to meet us on our walk and hand out free ice cream!

She also hired a horse drawn carriage to carry my Grandma (the birthday girl) and Grandpa the rest of the way down the road.

My Grandma and Grandpa

Caroline and Me after making a "pit" stop in the field

Proof that Sydney did actually come on this trip with us!

All the 2nd and 3rd cousins

The Bradley Family, New York, October 2010

Shutterfly Christmas Cards

It's my favorite time of year again! Christmas card season! Well, I guess Christmas comes in a close second ;), but I really love getting and sending Christmas cards. My favorite company to use for Christmas cards is Shutterfly. I love to be able to personalize my Christmas cards with family pictures from throughout the year so that people can see our growing and changing family. After Christmas I have the "Changing of the Cards" on the fridge and I arrange all of my new picture Christmas cards so that we can admire them all year round and remember our friends and family. Shutterfly makes it really simple and easy, just upload your pictures and insert them in a card. The hard part is picking just ONE card to send! Some cards even have the option to stamp and mail them for you! How easy is that! So, be looking for them, they may even arrive on time this year...but the Christmas cards are coming!



Here are some handy links to some of Shutterfly's great Holiday Card deals!

Christmas Cards: http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-cards

Holiday Cards: http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/holiday-cards

Christmas Photo Cards http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery

Not Meant to Nurse

I noticed that I hadn't posted in a while and was going to wait until I had pictures of the girls from our recent trip to NY. But then I thought, you know what, I know that other people just want to hear about my girls, but it's my blog and I'll write about what I want to!
Mothers who successfully nurse their children have no idea what goes on in the heart of a mom who is unable to nurse for any reason. Whether we make a choice not to from the start or life events make the choice for us, there is much turmoil in a mother's heart. Maybe it's just my heart, so I'll just share for me.
For all three of my children I have not been successful at nursing. Each child has their own experience and reasons for not nursing, but each child ends with the same result, formula fed. You would think I would see by now that even formula fed babies are smart and healthy. My babies rarely are ill and are just as bright, if not brighter in my unbiased opinion, than any other breastfed babies their age. Yet it still hurts when people make comments or when you see an ad for breastfeeding. There is still a longing to have had that connection, to be in that club, to save all of that money! I remember crying flipping through Parents magazine seeing ads for breastfeeding and feeling like such a terrible mother. Though I don't have such extreme emotional responses with the third child, I still question myself at times. I worked harder than ever this go round to nurse. I nursed Sydney when she was just minutes old, I nursed frequently, pumped frequently, used herbal supplements, talked with lactation consultants and still was not able to nurse her. I felt like I worked so hard and should have been rewarded for that with a wonderful nursing baby! One friend asked if I had tried perscription meds....nope... I didn't.
So as I noticed that I am still producing milk after not having nursed for over 2 months I started to wonder...what if I decided to give nursing another shot, maybe I could take a perscription. So I did a little research into Relactation. Besides the constant nursing, re-latching and other efforts I would need to get my already low milk supply up, I have two choices for persription meds. One they do not sell in the US, the FDA does not recommend it. The second one is Reglan, which I am HIGHLY allergic to. So...really there is no choice.
And now here I sit, reflecting on my experiences and realizing that up to this point (who knows what the future holds!) I am just not meant to nurse. Do I love my children with all of my heart?? Absolutely! Am I doing my very best to take care of and nurish my children?? You betcha!
So to all of you nursing moms who have NO IDEA what it's like to not be able to nurse your babies: I bottle feed and I am proud of it!